INTRODUCTION:

Welcome to BobKat's Lair ®

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A lair is a home; A castle; A burrow; A haven; a place where one should feel safe. To ensure our safety especially in one's lair, we have laws. And some laws cause more harm than good!

This is a good place. There's lots to see and do. It's apolitical while providing non-partisan news about politics, which we can't escape.

Check out my aquarium and feed the fish; check out my post(s), my favorite media list and the many links to websites that promote what I feel is important.

Time for the awakening...

That is what my goal is here... to present topics which highlight the plight of people. Why, 2000 years after Caesar Augustus, are we still a people being hurt? With all our advancements in technology, medicine, communications, why are we a people still being hurt? Human nature hasn't changed much, but that doesn't mean it isn't time now for that to happen, and it is undoubtedly happening - hard to see however. This blog is part of that change and a witness to it.

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My blog is dedicated to my family, friends, mentors, and all others whom I am grateful to, and love(d).

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The links I post here, sites like the ASPCA, NORML and LEAP, do not sponsor me. I am personally supporting these sites by posting their links. The links are genuine, and will bring you to the real place. I'd recommend that if you like a site that you've linked to from here, or from another blog or website, please verify the site is legitimate prior to providing personal information or money.

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Please view my Blog using the latest version of your browser. Some features may not be active if Java or Flash is disabled or not installed, or your browser is not compatible with Google Blog.

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NOTE: Nothing included in my Blog is intended to advocate behavior illicit in nature, or in violation of man-made laws where harm to a living person, animal or the environment is involved. Person's under 17 probably shouldn't be here, though there is far worse out there. Just saying.


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Here's How:

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Please do not include links to other websites or blogs in your comments without prior approval from the site administrator, me. The comment will be deleted.

Thank-you!

Bobkat's Lair ® : ©2009-2014

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CURRENT RESCUE OF THE MONTH: AVAAS: Elephants..https://secure.avaaz.org/en/hours_to_save_elephants_usa/?cwOwQbb
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October 25, 2014

MY LIFE AND TIMES... THE WORLD OF SEX - PART SIX

I don't know about other authors, but writing a fictional autobiography is not at all a piece of cake! It's difficult to write about one's past, even with a fictional license which I discussed in Part 1 of this blog post.

I'm 60 now and what I'm writing about happened starting 40 years ago. There's a widely held belief that the past is the past and should be forgotten. Think about that... live your life forgetting it as it passes. Everyday, a new day, a new beginning. A fresh start with yesterday and anything good or bad forgotten.

Sounds to me like the philosophy of a lunatic.

I don't know if I mentioned this before but one of the many turning points in my life was when my mentor Doug turned me onto a book by Benjamin Lee Whorf, "The Hopi Language" (it can be found in my Favorite Media List for year and publisher).

Many of us, at least here in the US believe without question that one's reality is based upon the past, present and future. That's pretty simplistic on it's face, but very significant when locating one's current present position in Life. With a past, one is being rewarded for successes, admonished for failures and losses. By "forgetting one's past" what's meant is forgetting one's failures and losses and celebrating until we die our victories. Wonderful in bizarre sort of way, however highly unrealistic. It in essence elevates those who are currently living success filled lives, and feeling contempt for those with stories of woe and misery and failure. All just another part of a society that believes in a simple duality - black and white, good and bad, with nothing as gray and complicated.

What I found out when I read Benjamin Whorf's book about the Hopi Language was that reality is not that simple. The Hopi society lived a much different reality, and everything they did and believed in was based on a duality of another kind. Reality to the Hopi was the past and present as one... with the future now and forever becoming existence until death.

This simple difference put me into a conundrum years ago. It meant that reality was created in the minds of a society, that the definition of reality could vary as it was not a fixed and concrete thing. It meant that who I am right now encompasses all that has transpired in my past until now. My future was based on mastering myself in the present so as to work towards the best possible future.

The problem with understanding this epiphany and once understood having no way to go back is I now found myself at odds with the society I lived in. How often have I heard it said, "forget the past", yet how often have I also heard that to "forget the past means to repeat it?"

At 60 repeating my past isn't such a bad idea... IF, I could change it which I can't. My past is me right now... my future depends on mastering the now. Where others can look at the past as ended, pick and choose what to remember, and remember as if it's just a memory, I can't do that. It's not that I ascribe to the Hopi philosophy; it's much more the fact that for me it makes sense... who am I if not the sum total of my past?

Interpretation of one's past is an obstacle to master. All too often we heard, you are being "to hard on yourself" or "not caring enough".

I've always wanted to be a writer, of novels and books and stories. 40 years ago that was my motivation. I was a writer. I lived as a writer. I adopted the reality. I wrote all the time and all the time I was working as a custodian in that college I was writing, even if only in my head. Often I could be found at one of the many study room tables with vending machines writing, or in the college cafeteria, writing. My motivation was all the science-fiction and fantasy I was raised on, and the sudden knowledge of writers like Henry Miller to solidify my ambitions.

On the adversarial side of things was my mother for whom writing was a joke - maybe a hobby, but to seriously consider oneself a writer was fantasy, especially for someone like myself for which she had greater ambitions, and writing was a waste of my life and her time as my mother. This is something I should forget, that I should have ignored. I can't and I didn't, and that in part makes me who I am today.

Being a writer meant being open-minded. It meant living the life - the life of living and gaining understanding into what living life was all about. I had felt very confused about religion, and I had found Virginia, whom I wrote about previously, who was my other mentor years ago. I never said, but she described herself as a White Witch, and she taught me about magic, that it does exist, but at a cost. But then much is not free... much costs us something.

I learned that sex is not immoral, that it is natural, and it is natural to love another, or many others. I learned that love is not a fixed feeling... that marriage is great as an ideal if two people sincerely are that much in love and beneficial to each other, but that to get married because that's what society expects is contrary to the whole idea of what marriage is. I sincerely hoped to find my soul-mate like so many others do, and I'm sure I did, but I can add failures there to my past and it makes me who I am.

I can recount all the sex I had starting 40 years ago, and after realizing I've had sex with over 60 women I can see that as a success, especially as I was in love with each of those women. For some this is not something to be proud of or to feel good about. To some this cannot be the result of a loving relationship, but rather the conquests of a male putting notches in his belt. It doesn't matter in this case what others think, it's what I think.

Not that being alone and very single today helps me face the future knowing it wasn't always like that. There was a lot that happened and believing in magic opens one to even more blessings and chaos. Suffice to say, like many others out there my life has been very difficult - a lot of compromise, success and failure.

There are perhaps a couple more parts to this topic. As can be seen in the screen capture image that follows I am a writer... and despite a following of only 10 persons, a success. What makes me a success is my view of reality, and the fact that my past is still vitally important. In the next two parts I hope to show how important sex was in my life. I also hope to show that although I may feel hopeless now, my future is very much going to be created based on where I am now and where I've been.

As a writer I am happy to celebrate the fact that BobKat's Lair has achieved 50,000 page views! Please take note of the top 5 most popular posts:


October 23, 2014

MY LIFE AND TIMES... THE WORLD OF SEX - PART FIVE

I'm a Random/Abstract, thinker/doer. Some people are Concrete/Sequential. It's called one's "Learning Style". And it's important.

The science is like this: there are 4 ways the mind can work.  In no particular order, 1) Concrete 2) Random 3) Sequential 4) Abstract.

We all have these traits in our learning style and it's what makes us who we are. It who we become. There are tests that can be done very easily to determine your learning style. That's not what this is about, I simply know what I am about as far a learning...

It's amazing how long 3 or 4 years can be, yet how short in other circumstances. At 20 I was literally crippled, mentally, so shy and confused that I was. My father urged me on, telling me once, "never say no to a woman that wants to have sex with you". He was a sales manager, often traveled. My best friend until he died at 69.

Well, just such a situation occurred, wouldn't you know? I was about 22 by then, working as a custodial at the college, living near campus, breakfast in the college cafeteria, free tuition, the whole nine yards. My co-worker, a scary dude, half Apache, half Italian was a good guy at heart, but he could come up with some vicious jokes, one time teetering on the edge of criminal. Jet-Black hair, Big, always laughing about something, like the time the professor came out in the hall talking, smoking a cigar... this is when smoking in a public place was totally legal... I had turned around to do something, and when I turned back I saw the prof. pick his cigar from the ashtray, puff on it while Tony was his name, told me how he grabbed it and wiped it on his penis. ( "dick" were his exact words).

But where was I as that was simply my routine work life? Oh, yes... never say no.

I knew a lot of women. Had a lot of friends by 22. I don't know how though I do as I already told you how. Like there being marijuana available, having a sexual relationship was similar. By 23 -24 I often wondered if it would ever happen again?

Around 22 - 23 I had a woman friend named Donna who I'd known awhile, like a year or more. We hung out together, mostly at the college in the lounge, cafe, library, or one of many study centers with vending machines and tables you could smoke at. I often sat at those tables and wrote in a note-book. I also took classes and worked hard to master the courses, homework, writing papers... I met a lot of people that way too.

My mother was the problem, with myself as the principle problem as I listened to her. I shouldn't have.

I've written in previous posts about my "mother's plan for me". I wasn't made privy of this plan and despite hearing nothing when I moved out around age 19, everything seemed to revolve around "my mother's plan".

As was the day that Donna asked me if I would have sex with her, and I said no.

Haunts me to this day; that being 38 years ago.

Around age 23 I held a party - a Saturday night. At the time I lived in an old Victorian undertakes two story house. I had the upstairs, a couple had the downstairs. I had a lot of room, rooms and the place was one of my favorites.

A lot of the time when you invite people to a party they don't show up. In this case it wasn't the case. I bought a half keg of beer and was out an hour after the party started. Some friends offered to get two more kegs, and I gave them the money. People were everywhere, a line down the stairs and out in the parking lot.

Advantage... this was the town's college... people stayed peaceable and nothing bad happened. The only gripe I heard were that friends didn't have time to talk with me. The cartoons I rented were a big hit... the movie type on film played through a projector.

The way a man feels about sex at that age compared to now is not close. Back then it was irrepressible. And for me it wasn't simply fucking. I loved the women I slept wit. We were friends... though in many cases it led to a relationship. It may have led further many times... but I had a bee buzzing in my ear.

I still can't believe I said "NO".