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A lair is a home; A castle; A burrow; A haven; a place where one should feel safe. To ensure our safety especially in one's lair, we have laws. And some laws cause more harm than good!

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Time for the awakening...

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October 14, 2014


I could never quite get past my first true love - Sue. My heart was literally broken. I hurt all over. Fortunately, although I disagreed with her decision, the separation was amiable. Still, or awhile I drove around in circles and by her apartment building. Sometimes I would stop and park - stalking in today's standards. And although I had a right to drive and park anywhere on a public road, not only are there better places to be where I didn't have a reminder of the end, but potential confrontations can be avoided.

Around that time I found two mentors at the college where I worked; both English professors in two separate buildings. There names were Virginia and Doug.

Doug worked on the third floor of the building I worked in and had an office on the floor I was responsible for. One day I was talking with an older student about something I had written, a short story. After describing the story to her she said she thought Doug would be very interested. One night Doug was in his office late, I knocked and introduced myself, told him about my story and mentioned the referral. He invited me in, "sit down, please", he said. It began a tutelage that lasted 3 years and it's from Doug I learned what I know about relationships, and what led me to Henry Miller, and several other excellent books.

Doug is the one who helped me get over Sue but offering me sound advice and knowledge.

Virginia on the other hand was also an English professor, in the Science building, corner basement room with lots of windows. A beautiful woman in her 30's, very smart and intelligent. I found her based on my interest in religion, all religions, God and gods and goddesses, magic, sorcery, the meaning of life, the devil, reincarnation, mythology, evil, good, and a basis for morality in society.

However it was Doug who answered that urgent question. The "Thou Shalt Not..." It was Doug who said, "Thou shalt not hurt." He challenged me to find a reason why having that one moral wasn't sufficient. I could not.

Having solved my moral dilemma I moved on.

I was still writing like crazy. A typical day would begin getting dressed and heading for the college cafeteria. I brought books, and my 9"x6" notebook and pens. I chose a table, sat, wrote and over a period of a few hours chat with students. I was also a student, so I had classes to attend. Sometimes I would go visit the library or other times I would walk and fantasise about the Lord of the Rings or other esoteric ideas I came up with. I also began to study, learn and locate medicinal plants out in the forest and fields. I remember always being alone and always smoking a joint. Sometimes I would sit along a brook and write.

For a year or so while all this was happening, I was single. One night a woman named Mary was coming towards me in the hall and stopped to talk with me. I saw her again and asked her out. She said "yes".

Thus began what's essentially turned out to be a life-long friendship. Back then she was girlfriend #3. I was too arrogant with her though. Now I know that but I didn't back then. We had what could only be called a very cool relationship. I saw other women, and she saw other men. But we always made time for each other, and that meant plenty of times overnight, and fucking like rabbits anywhere and everywhere. I fucked her often when she dropped by a classroom I was cleaning. That lasted for several years then she met a guy and got married, and I moved to a distant county and enrolled at a university to get my BA degree.

I've left out one very important part of my experience. As the school custodian I pretty much knew a lot about the people, professors and staff that worked there. The one, most popular activity was wife-swapping as it's called, but husbands swap too. And from there it spread out... finding sex was like finding pot, either completely dry or swamped - rained on if you prefer. Certain women loved sex and ordinarily they found me. Whether I complied was pretty much my choice, though because they liked me I agreed. What a nice guy. Me.

You're maybe forgetting one big fact... my upbringing and the fact I still had my mother calling every 3 days to put me in my place. I experienced a girlfriend one night receive a phone call at 1AM, from her mother, and from where I laid in bed half-hard I could hear her mother call her a slut! The call went on 15 minutes until Maria, that was her name, hung-up. After we curled up tightly together and went to sleep. She was crying and I understood why.

The World of Sex is far beyond what science or the human mind can imagine. The World of Sex involves morals, mores and etiquette.  The World of Sex varies constantly and although parts of it can be identified and documented, it does little good. That's not to say however that general principles don't apply and that men and women don't have a common language they can rely on. They do. It's called talk. Plain and simply talking to one another.

October 10, 2014


That was then...

Heck, I was still living at home with my parents.I had dutifully enrolled in the local community college and was pursuing a AS in Electrical technology. I passed two semester of physics, that was not easy stuff. But in my final semester, I would have to take calculus. I had put it off until last.

Around twenty, nearing it, several things changed. It all began with the use of marijuana and my sudden awareness that I needed to move away from home; that I didn't want a BS degree; that since age 8 I'd realized a dream, and I saw a way to make it a reality. At age 8 my aunt gave me Ray Bradbury's "R Is For Rocket". The short story it included called "Frost and Fire" had planted a seed in my mind that suddenly bloomed.

I became the evening custodian and the building I was assigned to was the Fine Arts Center. It was part of my plan based on "Frost and Fire". The Fine Arts building housed ceramics, photography, Painting, Drawing, English and Humanities. From 3 - 11 evenings, I kept the build going with one companion, a half and half Italian and Native American good-guy, joker, hard-worker, and watch-out! We split the building between us, where I had the top of three floors and half the basement - one and a half of the building.

Simultaneously I had moved in an apartment building just off-campus, the land-lord was an undertaker.I had my own apartment, shared the kitchen and bathroom per floor, all of two. My first plan was a woman named Debbie that I'd become close to. I remember bringing her there and then she was gone.

There was plenty of beer around as the drinking age was 18, and plenty of pot. So I was doing very well. Those were my times... as in my title.

Soon after I was at a party and I met this woman. It was a loud party and she was quite popular with the guys. In a few brief sentences we were friends and she said would give me a ride home. She did, dropped me off and drove away.

Once inside my apartment, it dawned on me, I knew her name and approximately where she lived, but I could have asked her for her phone number. Although today it might be considered "stalking", just as it was okay to drink at 18, it was okay to pick up the phone book and start calling. And eventually i got her number, and then I stopped. A week or more had passed, she wouldn't remember me, she didn't even know me, she just gave me a drive home.

And that's it... love doesn't happen (at least very successfully unless you're loaded) easily, but then it does, actually. We call it fate.

A friend, Kevin stopped over. A very good friend. I told him about how agonized I was - that I really felt something for her. But I couldn't do it.

He changed my mind with eight words, "if you don't call her, someone else will".

I called her. She invited me up for dinner with her parents. It was twenty miles and I didn't have a car. I had sold it, gave up driving, bought a ten-speed bike. Kevin said he could pick me up later but would not be able to bring me up there. So I walked.

I didn't hitch-hike, I walked the whole twenty miles, while a storm let loose overhead. It's a walk I'll never forget, around a lake. Rural and dark except with passing cars and headlights. I was twenty, walking twenty plus miles was nothing. Occasionally, that is.

I got there, we had dinner and that was our first date. Our second date we went out to dinner...

Sue was very good-looking, buxom, 5' 2', medium- long black hair, freckles and personality. She took courses at the college so was studying for a AA of Arts. She liked to paint, was great with ceramics, but she talked about Anthropology, and most interesting, she loved to fuck.

The rest is a blur - lovers in love... She lived at home so she had to be staying with me, but I don't remember. I could make something up but hey, it's true. Things didn't come into focus until we moved in together, rented our own house on a quiet street. We did our thing, I was working and as a benefit of the custodial job, tuition free. I ended up amassing 93 credits in those three years; to get an AA, AS I think it was around 50 credits. Most of the credits transferred when I got my BA, saved me a whole semester, done in a year and a half instead of two.

But back to Sue and me. We were in bliss for two really great years living there. Looking back, which I am, I'm 60, for the first time in my life (note to parents - not putting growing up with you down, it's simply just now I am in control) I felt happy, successful. For two years we fucked like rabbits. We were inseparable.

We had two problems. My mother and guys loved her, hit on her a lot. That's a lot of temptation. Regarding my mother, I can only be puzzled why I was never taught in school to stand on my own. My mother still had dominion over me and what I was doing to her was "playing house". Sue by the way is the only woman until then I'd brought home as a guest. It didn't go well. My mother was being abusive and it was affecting me; calls every 2 or three days. Guilt trips. Grow up!

It all fell apart... and pretty much that ends chapter one; something I've never been able to get past before now. That's hardly the end.