ABOUT THE MASSACRE AT SANDY HOOK, CT: MY OPINION

I am torn up over the senseless slaughter at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. 20 kindergarten students and 7 or more adults were shot and killed by a single assailant who it now appears suffered from an emotional/psychiatric disorder. Something snapped.

The work I do, the victims could well have been clients of mine - so imagine finding out someone, or several persons you work with often were gunned down. I've also worked, 10 years at an elementary school between 1988 - 1998. I know the kind of children that were murdered viciously. I would have been the first to throw myself at the gunman had I been working such a job now. The new school principal died doing just that; Ms. Dawn Hochsprung, who started in 2010. A Link from Today.com heard the shooting and tried unsuccessfully to jump the 20 year old assailant.

She had just implemented a whole new system for school security. The assailant, a former student by-passed that security by breaking a window, if my sources are correct. Which means he either discovered upon arrival or already knew there was a buzz-in policy.

He went to the office first, which I find odd. If he broke in, why go to the main office? But that is how I've read it happened. By coincidence morning announcements were going on, so rifle fire and screams could be heard over the loud-speakers. Somehow a lock-down order ensued, so the first classroom the shooter arrived at the door was locked, but the second classroom wasn't. Why?

It's history now. But history in the making also. As a result of the killings many people are angry, upset and demanding answers. I am too. But among the answers I'm hearing are taking all guns away from Americans - something akin to a military action. Also, anyone, with any history of a mental health disorder will not be able to possess a gun.

Think about it... Personally, you have a mother that bullies you to the point you seek psychiatric help, as she certainly won't. So you can'r possess a gun yet she can. Or, you're sexually abused and you seek treatment... again, not allowed to possess a gun.

How about we take a different look at this. I think we all know someone who would benefit from psychological help. If I can quote my mother - "Only SICK people seek help". Now my mother is in her 70's... so I don't expect she'll change her mind. But the fact is I know or have known many people like her where seeking mental health assistance is akin to admitting one is mentally ill. Not only admitting to it, but the talk is documenting such persons as such.

What we need is the exact opposite. We need to accept mental health assistance on par with regular physicals and MD visits. I've heard the number 20% tossed around as the number of Americans afflicted with a mental health disorder, and that includes me and the formerly mentioned sexual abuse victim. I hardly think that is an accurate percentage. Myself, I'd put the percentage more around 80%... as few people are actually considered to be NORMAL. Neurosis is common in America.

I've heard the argument America is unlike any other country in the world... we enjoy the 2nd Amendment, as as such the violence in America is unlike any other country. Hardly true... gun violence in the world is obvious. And it's true. But to target American's is wrong. The majority of gun owners do not go out and shoot people. A tragedy like that at Sandy Hook may imply otherwise, but it's an isolated event... one gun control is not the answer to.

There needs to be answers, like why wasn't the second classroom locked. Like why is going for therapy only "for sick people"? Why don't we use the money, resources, and law enforcement wasted on cannabis laws and secure public schools and malls instead? We target cannabis users as the pariahs of violence, yet under our noses the real violence is often a result of seemingly perfectly straight adults. We look for the Charles Manson's in violence and it's often simply not present.

President Obama/the White House e-mailed me the statement made by the President in regards to the shootings, and other shootings that seem to be becoming epidemic in the US society. I appreciate his words, grief and concern, but take offense when he say's: "We've endured too many of these tragedies in the past few years. And each time I learn the news I react not as a President, but as anybody else would -- as a parent."

I agree, too many. But the answer is not in "gun-control", as we already have gun-control. Some might say not enough, but any gun is still a gun, even if it's a black powder revolver as used in the old west. We have many methods we use to kill... many animals are being wiped to extinction because recipients believe in magical properties for elephant/rhino tusks, shark fins, tiger balls. This is the world we live in. It's violent and deadly.

And all the while that we tolerate the belief that seeking counseling in life is akin to being mentally sick, we perpetuate the problem. We live in a Hollywood, yet sterilized society - a Puritan society where violence as art is common in movies and on television, yet when a death occurs from a drunk driver we don't see the consequences. We're given a purified version of events. So on the one hand we're presented with fictional blood and gore, yet in life, we're provided a clean, violence free report of a real event. That goes for many things considered unlawful and harmful... sex, drugs, rock n' roll. Okay, maybe not unlawful all, but I hope you get my point.

I suggest we don't live reality in this country and it may be time that we do.

18 YEARS OR OLDER - FAMILY SHAME OR GUILT.

40 years or so ago I was sitting on my couch, in my first apartment - living on my own. I was around 18. I was optimistic, but scared. Scared because I hadn't really wanted to move away from home, but living with my parents wasn't working out so I did the bold thing and moved out. I'd been raised knowing the day would come anyway.

A couple of days after I moved out I was enjoying my space when the phone rang. This was around 1972 so there were no answering machines yet, or at least ones I knew about. When the phone rang, you answered it.

Who?

'Tis the Season now... and for many people the "who" is important. This is not a good time of the year for a lot of people. We hear a lot of hoop-la about how great this time of year is, but for many that simply not true. This post is maybe for you.

You might be any age over 18. But I'm thinking whatever age you are, you're still living the life you almost had between 18 and 29. Or you're in that age group and you need a little guidance.

The age 18 to say 28 is little understood. It is a critical part of our maturity. For some it begins before age 18, for others later and may last into the early 30's. But eventually our brains solidify and we become us. Complex mess when you add children and/or a lousy childhood. By your early 30's you want to be mobile, successful, enjoying life.

You don't want to be fighting with family, or in a compromised position.

When I answered the phone that day it was my mother... a day of destiny formed for which I felt I had no control over. And I didn't, back then, but in hindsight I had many easy options.

Following are three articles - difficult to find I might add, I've been searching for years and only now do i seem to have found a few. I hope that they might be of help with the choices you must make. With understanding how you feel and what choices you begin to have.

1) "Family Blues - Leaving it behind..."

2) "Shame and Guilt..." as it refers to family.

3) "Induced Relaxation Anxiety". Imagine if relaxing brought about your anxiety? It's a fact, it can.


Where I made my mistake 40 years ago was not getting mature fast enough, beyond my control, but I could have been more forthright in establishing my out perimeters. I allowed to much in...

I had 4 years of great success as a human being... perhaps 4 years that many never have, so I'm grateful. But it strikes me that my success was hinged on communication. Part of the problem with being shy is fear of communication. The trick is, is to understand communication breaks the veil of shyness rather quickly, after the awkward moments.

How did I learn this? I learned through a friendship with a college professor. I had expressed my profound frustration with being shy, and being interested in women, meeting someone special. I thought it was a game. A game only the players knew. But it wasn't. The reality was plain and simply talk. Being able to listen to the other person.

That was however contrary to the views my family had, expressly my mother. So take a cue - ignore that abusive person and walk away. Hang-up the phone. Live your life. Set your boundaries and don't allow anyone to impede, unless it's someone you trust.

Life on Earth is where heaven is... whether you find it, well, that's the question... many simply can't, or make heaven out of a firefly for ten minutes of their life.

Be aware as my mentor warned... with success comes enemies, people who resent who you are. Recognize them and keep your distance. Easy to say unless it's family. Even then, i know now I could have controlled my own life, my own world, and prevented many of the unforunate situations that I would later blame as defining my demise.

While there's life there's hope. Even I'm not too old to make a new beginning. To learn from my mystakes and those of others.

Happy Christmas... stay safe...