HOW TO ACHEIVE AN (UN)SUCCESSFUL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP [WITH A WOMAN]

Happy Valentines day. Valentine's Day celebrates being struck in the heart by the arrow from Cupid's bow. Struck down and in love.

Which I'm not... haven't been for almost 10 years - taking time off just because I'm occupied with other things these days, I'll be moving soon and it's complicated. Soon I do hope to be struck down by the arrow of love. As has happened many times in the past.

How to achieve a successful relationship once it happens? Or in my experience, how to fuck it up unintentionally?

My first relationship was when I was in 8th grade. A girl named Brenda. It was a very sharp hit by Cupid's bow. We kissed a lot, talked on the phone for hours - the subject of what she was wearing, her breasts came up. I gave her my fathers chain bracelet he'd given me. She gave me one in return. Other than kissing we didn't know what to do... the thought of sex didn't occur to me, nor do I think to her. For one week we were in paradise together.

Then, for reasons I don't remember we broke up. My first broken heart. I was surprised when two weeks later she wanted to make up with me. Something my naive mind said, "once broken up there is no getting back together". So I told her, "no". Then, several years later, a surprise phone call from Brenda. "How was I? Thinking of you. Do I want to meet?" 

Again I said "no". Idiot. And when several years after that when I realized I was an idiot I tried to call her. I got her mother; she wouldn't allow me to talk with her. She was stable, in a relationship. Go away and don't call back.

Alrighty then... mommy speaking for her 40-something year old daughter. I had wanted to apologize. That's all.

Oh, but I didn't spend my life mulling and pursuing Brenda. My first relationship that lasted was when I was 16, her name was Diane. Her cousin who I worked with fixed us up. It lasted 3 years. I was 19 when I broke up with her and I only remember two things we did together. I remember sitting on the couch in their living room with her. I remember her parents would go upstairs; out of sight, out of my mind. Sometimes they would be out. We would embrace and kiss and I could feel her body outside her clothing only. In 3 years I never actually was successful getting my hand on her naked breasts. The other thing I remember is she would only kiss closed mouth; no French kissing.

I asked her about it once while we were on her porch. I asked, "why won't you French kiss?"

She said, "I had a boyfriend before you who I did that with and he left me".

Water under the bridge.

By age 21 I had met Sue. I had been living on my own for two years and it was inevitable that this virgin meet his match.

Sue was a woman-kid, full of energy and vitality. It was a miracle, our having a relationship.

I met Sue at a party. Somehow we were introduced or I or her said "Hi". I didn't have a car at the time... I was on a minimal living overhead rebellion at the time. I asked her for a lift home.

Sue had dark brown hair, big, dark brown eyes, stood about 5'2" and was built. She was very amiable. I felt very relaxed with her, and I was in her car as she drove me home. I was in love, only I didn't know it then. I didn't ask her for her phone number though I knew what town she lived in. I won't admit to being an idiot, I mean things ended up working out (more about that in few seconds) and that wasn't the last time that happened, that I didn't take advantage of an opportunity.

I was raised during the 1950's. A pretty weird time. I was too young for "Happy Days" or to know anything about the Rock and Roll revolution. I learned prejudice (which fortunately by age 21 I had chucked away) and rigid moral/personal restriction. Finding a woman, dating, getting engaged and married, having 2.5 children, buying a house with a white picket fence in an upscale part of town, that was life.

Every situation I would find myself that impression would act upon me. So no, I didn't ask Sue for her phone # because something within me told me not to. So days later I was hurting to find her. I had some info... I don't recall what... I made a phone call, got a woman who I thought was her and we talked for 15 minutes until she realized I hadn't called to speak with her... we laughed and she gave me Sue's phone number.

I called her. We arranged a date, at her house for dinner. Wow, meet the parents the first night. I arranged a ride home with a friend when later came, and set out for a ten-mile walk to her house. It was a walk that would take me a quarter of the way around the southeast end of a lake. A storm blew in and with it torrential rain. I was soaked to the bone by the time I arrived at Sue's house around 7PM. Her mother took my clothes giving me some temporary ones while she dried my wet clothes. We sat down to a great Italian spaghetti dinner, where I was reprimanded only once for using my bread to swipe up sauce.

We agreed to meet again, but of course I didn't set a date then, instead I went home and lamented upon my situation which was really a non-issue.

I bent my friend Keven's ear, telling of my fears that I was imaging her interest in me. That she must have a boyfriend, she was just being nice. My mind was chugging away at all the reasons it couldn't work. Then my friend said, "well if you don't call her surely someone else will". The answer appeared suddenly in the front of my eyes. Call her and ask her out, gee, why not?

Sue was my first "real" girlfriend. We did everything together. We fucked like rabbits. Then she got the idea she wanted to fuck other guys too. That was after we'd found an apartment together which upset both our parents. My mother accused me "of playing house". Living in sin in a make believe house. Other men were attracted to Sue, and would invite her out and call. At first she said, "no". But it was on her mind. What should have been on my mind was asking her to be my wife, forget other men, be mine. But that is what our parents were drilling into us. So it became the "Valentine's Day Rebellion" when she went to have lunch with an ex-boyfriend and came home crying that he'd raped her. She filed charges and the relationship was off to rough waters.

She had other relationships after that she would tell me about. I would tell her, "I don't own you, I love you".

The relationship actually lasted 3 and 1/2 years... and we parted as friends. Over the next few decades this "open relationship" concept would come up many times in many ways. Sometimes I was the other man and other times it was the same old, "I don't own you". I was adamant that jealousy would not be a part of my relationships.

I think now at age 60 it's not about "ownership" at all. That is just one more odd idea I've had over the years. Sure it's easy to say, "I just never met the 'right' woman". But I have. And I let them go. Too many times.

I'm not suggesting jealousy is good for a relationship. I'm not even saying an "open-relationship concept" can't work; it can. I have a long time friend, who is married to a woman I met years ago. I was leaving to move to Arizona at the time from New York State where I grew up. Her name was Joni. She was of South pacific origin, black hair, tan skin, slender with small breasts and big dark eyes. I didn't move away for long and when I returned she had ironically been matched up with Earl, my best friend.

Joni was like me; very hesitant to get wrapped up into a relationship, or marriage. The 3 of us ended up living together in the country and often Joni and I would gt naked in bed and play, getting each other off, but without ever having intercourse. I had other girlfriends at the time - this was simply something we did.

What I'm saying with regards to open relationships is we are an immature species when it comes to relationships. We are still mostly going by instinct and behavioral models. Relationships are way more complicated than with what resources we are provided in life to deal with such a thing.

In 1981 I moved to Boston and one of my first out of state guests were Earl and Joni. They stayed for a weekend. Earl told me while Joni went to the bathroom that Joni wanted to have sex with me. So the three of us ended up falling into bed to have a weekend of sex.

After that weekend Earl and Joni got married and have lived happily ever after.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

A LAIR CAN ALSO BE A PRISON...

Sorry... been awhile, though the end-of-year holidays can have that effect.

So yes, a lair , one's home can be a prison. I rent, a room in an old farmhouse... I live with a man and a woman - the woman owns the home.

A little background is called for, but hold on to those conservative, right-wing principles!

I met the "woman" in 1999. We met from a dating ad - the old fashioned kind where it was from a dating magazine. We hit it off, dated and moved in together. I lived her for 6 years. Best years of my life, obviously with bad days.

This woman was divorced. Her ex-husband is a fervent Baptist. They were married 20 some years and raised two children together. He could often be found reading his Bible while she worked and took care of the children. He was doing his part - "trusting in the Lord and Savior".

After 20 some years he found this woman to be absent from religion. And she is. The actions that followed are ludicrous to me, but as the story goes he discussed this with his pastor, discussed finding someone else more religious. The pastor disagreed. Didn't matter. The husband went hunting and found a mistress, once accomplished annouced he wanted a divorce.

By the time I met her she was a mess, having been in and out of odd relationships. We hit it off big-time. We had good years together, but one thing nagged at her, the fact that she had missed out on so much while married to the asshole.

The asshole who she still has a $150,000 life insurance policy for. But I'm jumping ahead.

Around 5 years into the relationship she was frustrated. She like me a lot, but thought about other guys. We discussed it. I told her, "I don't own you", but that works both ways. So we began an open relationship... she got to meet other guys, and I was lucky enough to meet another wonderful woman myself. Wonderful until she found out, when I asked her, if she was okay with pot, and that was a year later... it had never come up. She freaked! Asked me to leave and I did.

Meanwhile this woman ends up meeting the guy she's with now. We become friend and she buys this old farmhouse. The next several years are great, then the Great Recession hits home. It's almost 5 years my lair is my sacred place and my prison. Oh, I work, am gone a lot, but coming home it not great.

So I'm looking at my age, to buy a house. Time to move out.

A daunting task.

Oh, yeah... almost forgot. The notion of an "Open Relationships"? They don't work, they suck. 

CHRISTMAS 2014 REALITY AND THE YEAR IN BRIEF REVIEW

I want to wish everyone in the world a Happy Christmas! However I know many will not benefit from a wish like that. It's foolish to believe a wish, one wish will change the world. Wishes have to become wants, and wants need a resource to grow. That is life.

The previous year for me saw a lot of changes at my job. I do IT. I've been at the company 15 years. I live 75 miles away from where i work. Starting this past July I have been able to work from home Mondays and Tuesdays of every week. In addition, the previous winter I saved around 11 vacation days that I would have had to use for bad, wintery weather. All that was a big change for our company. Odd how fast change can be.~.

I'm alone this Christmas with my cat. I actually like it. Keeping myself busy. Worked until noon. Party downstairs - landlady and her boyfriend. I wasn't invited. Known them personally for 15 years.

Yeah 15 years... for me my current lucky number.

What else?

Oh, I got that 2004 Subaru Outback... had to replace the head-gaskets, timing belt, axles, a wheel bearing, routine brakes; beautiful car, very good in the snow, slush and gulp, not sure yet on ice, but a lot of that depends on the tires. I put Pirelli All Weather tires on it and so far, so good.

Working on moving... Going to buy a house for the first time. Rather being booted from where I've lived the past eight years. So, moving, yeah. Not a subject i wish to discuss.

Had not been talking to my mother for a few years. Good thing as we're so far talking again, no problems.

World Peace? N/A

Health: Debatable

Climate: Messed up

Marijuana Prohibition: Jingle, jingle... 4 US states have legalized marijuana for adults 21 and older. The states will grow their own. No drug cartel is involved. 3 additional cities, and more:

Portland ME, S. Portland ME, and a city in PA in addition to Washington D.C., legalized recreational use of marijuana for adults over 21. But the Congress is alleged to have passed an emergency bill forbidding Washington D.C. from growing and providing their own weed.

Work: Going well

Car: Running very well.

Cat: Doing very well

Still single.

Happy New Year!

THE FEDERAL HEDGEMON AGAINST MARIJUANA... THE COLOSSAL MISTAKE OF A CENTURY!

I begin with the definition of hegemony... something generally used to denote BIG time politics on a global scale, but which fits in nicely with country-wide politics. Hegemony is generally referred to when discussing global politics and supremacy. It is the act of creating a hedge wherein one is supreme. As the following quote from Wikipedia denotes, "a hegemony can be directed towards cultural supremacy", as in the federal governments fervent proclamations that marijuana is very bad stuff, deserving of Schedule One DEA status.

"The Marxist theory of cultural hegemony, is the idea that the ruling class can manipulate the system of values and mores of a society, so that their view becomes the world view."

Wikipedia - Hegemony

Marijuana use, by different names has been around some 10,000 years. Until 1937 it was never deemed a threat and was never illegal, in fact, it's cousin, hemp, was a lucrative agricultural commodity - one of the plants that led to the inclusion of Article 86 of the NH Constitution, although that history is forgotten in a little more than 100 years. Synthetics dominate the market, and although hemp could compete, big money prefers synthetics/chemical products.

Hemp production was so big that, although hemp cultivation was brought to a stop in 1937 with the Marihuana Tax Act, by federal law it was made legal and grown by agricultural clubs including children, to provide hemp during WWII. Then abruptly it was made illegal again at the end of the War, and synthetics took it's place.

The original reasoning for making marijuana a prohibited substance was, as I've said before, a result of the influence of Yellow Journalism - newspapers seeking to take advantage of a bad economy by casting a black light on immigrants from Mexico.

Southern states, like Arizona, New Mexico and others were the most out-spoken, demanding a stop to illegal immigration, forcing Congress to act.

In 1961 nearly all prohibition of marihuana/hemp became unconstitutional, and technically for a time marihuana was essentially legal.


This led to two interesting collisions in American history.

1) The Hippie Movement/anti Viet Nam war movement.
2)  Federal hegemony.

The hippie movement during the 1960's epitomized marijuana as it's trademark. States passed hasty laws against marijuana, some of it based upon a 1960's American led ban on marijuana world-wide. Criminal penalties generally began with a year in prison for any amount.

By 1971 this all changed, though each act canceled the other out. States began to pass laws decriminalizing marijuana, and the out-look was positive for a general lift on the prohibition of marijuana. Magazines like Playboy published many stories relating to legalization. NORML came to be, a national lobby for Reform of Marijuana laws, along with High Times magazine.

President Richard Nixon came to be also, and in hindsight it's clear to see one of his number one objectives was to bury marijuana use for the public. His blue-ribbon committee, called the Shaffer committee,  which he assembled (and being as he believed it to be ultra-conservative and would rule in his favor) ruled that although marijuana use appeared to promote unconventional type thinking, despite that, it was a consensus that marijuana should not be illegal. President Nixon ignored the committee findings and had marijuana permanently placed under DEA scheduling as Schedule One.

A "hegemony" occurred when obvious facts made it clear that Nixon's actions were political and not based on fact. Marijuana is in no way deserving of a Schedule One status, or any status, considering the legality of alcohol and tobacco. To make it so is to bring hypocrisy to federal law, and a respect for the law.

A history-setting federal case was held recently in which for the first time in decades, a federal judge will hear arguments before and against marijuana's Schedule One status.

Federal Evidentiary Hearing Regarding The Constitutionality Of Cannabis Prohibition Concludes...

A federal hegemony places citizens at the mercy of federal mores... not science and fact.It places the government and the law, above what is science and conclusive fact.