Truth For Angels - http://kellilaine.blogspot.com/
Her daughter was around 19, with a driver who was drunk. They died.
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My first experience with alcohol was nearly the end of my life - at 16.
I lived approx. 30 miles away from my childhood friends... so on some weekends I would get on the city bus and go to town. I stayed over with my grandparents.
This particular night... my friend and I wanted to get drunk. Period. I really don't know why we thought that way, nor can I explain the logic behind it. Getting intoxicated was like becoming an adult.
We both planned this... yes, premeditated - 1970 - I, with my soda bottle filled half with H2O, and whiskey in the mix. My friend smart enough to use part 7-up and whiskey. We met at "the school"... not the place one or two would meet these days, but back then...
Both didn't do what we hoped... mine tasted terrible, and his wasn't much to go around.
The rest of the story - let's just say my first mixed drink was two tall glasses of a mixture of Morgan David Wine, Vermouth, Red Wine, Creme de Mint, maybe more. My friend couldn't touch it. I drank all of it. I became comatose, and for years later... until I turned 50, the most I could drink was two drinks or beers. No, I didn't end up in the hospital. I went back to my grandparents, went to bed... got sick... and blanked out... periodically I came to - saw my parents coming to get me, woke up at home in my bed... lied to my parents that it "must have been the hot-dogs my friend and I ate"... only to wake up again to their telling me my friend was fine and admitted everything.
Grounded for a week... and my new zillion option electronics designer kit came the next day. Grounded.
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Next up... why legalizing cannabis would be good for this country.
2010 will be a year to look forwards to...
Until then...
Happy New Year :)
Glad your drinking story ended with just a grounding. It is something as a parent of young children I am not looking forward to dealing with.
ReplyDeleteI was very lucky! I was sick for a week. Even to this day I get nauseous at smell of creme de mint.
ReplyDeleteI think what I experienced was a critical part of the growing up. I was lucky because I gave myself a near-lethal mix of alcohol. I had a good friend who got drunk around age 23, walked home, fell, face first in a puddle, and drowned. Dead.
For one's parents, a society and cultures each have tried to and, felt obligated to, become involved in the Rite. What I mean is, it's natural for parents to not only dread the Rite of Passage, but to try to control it also. Here's where almost all parents and societies get it wrong... in my opinion.
Some cultures have scripts they follow... the passage of a child into an adult. Depending upon how autonomous or isolated a culture, the script may work well for the child/adult in that society. In others, it's a sure thing the child/adult will rebel against ideas contrary to the beliefs and rules set upon them.
In the case of my drinking rite at age 16... I think my parents should have set me down for a talk at around 13. On the list of topics: 1) Sex 2) Drugs.
Sex... we'll save that for another time
Drugs: my parents: "BobKat, we know you may not really understand this topic yet, but we want to talk to you about drugs. You've probably heard the stories about the illegal ones, like marijuana, LSD, heroin... about those drugs... you'll have choices to make. Personally, as your parents, we won't be with you when you may be offered any of these drugs. You should probably excuse yourself, come home and tell us about it. But we know you probably won't. You may be presented with alcohol, or cigarettes. We have to tell you, of all of them, if, although we hope not, but if you give into temptation on any of them, marijuana is probably the safest one to use. But please, as your parents... let us know. We won't punish you for being honest. We are your parents and concerned about you... we want to see you grow old and wise.
I think your parental advice comment is thought-provoking and on a subject that I have not fully considered enough to respond adequately.
ReplyDeleteI think as parents, the groundwork with children starts immediately--certain values and behaviors are applauded and expectations are instilled. Communication, as you state, is always critical.
Turning the "little birds" away from the nest to fly is difficult, but necessary. Personally, I don't expect to differentiate between what I would feel better with them experimenting with.
In contrast, I hope to instill a focus (as is being done now) that thoughts and actions should be to benefit others rather than offering oneself temporary happiness. For instance, which students do I have more respect for: the group headed to Florida's beaches during Spring break or those that choose to spend their time on a service trip assisting others in an impoverished area?
Sorry I am getting off topic, but I prefer to treat decision making as a system.
Thank-you SlamDunk...
ReplyDeleteI believe we're "communicating"... your comment is also thought provoking.
I think, I feel, your "system" is as a parent normally would raise a child... but I think, when child turns to teen, the rules change. And when the little bird is old enough to fly, they change yet again... and each of those levels, would require a different system.
In my case level's one and two went well with my parents, they did a great job instilling sound, essential values and behaviors... they were always there for me... however the third level, when I flew off... well, let's just say there were strings attached. There always are. That's why either during level two or three, it is not unusual for the person to rebel. Why? They are flying away or testing their wings.
It's for this reason, I think around 13, maybe 10 year's old, a parent needs to expect level two... where they become teenagers, no longer a child. They will be making decisions, and when they arrive at level three they're essentially on their own. Essentially... the definition of what it is to be over 18 is a wild topic... when I reached level three, at 18, it was legal to consume alcohol. By then my choices for how I live my life are predominately in my hands - 18, is only a number, the exact age of this transition is different for every person, obvious when thinking about it. But the decisions made by then came from the child/teenagers "relationship" with their parents, and the values, behaviors, and skills they instilled.
I admit, my take on this may seem liberal. In many cultures the "family" is a structured, choreographed level three... the bird doesn't really fly off. That is what happened to those of the 1960' - 1970's... the age of birds... who found they couldn't fly. Which makes us more like penguins.
Felt creative tonight! I'm not a parent so I have the luxury of thinking outside the box when parents are living it. Big difference.