STONED ON SARAH SILVERMAN ... *>*

Sarah Silverman, the comedian... wow, what a rush!

Now before you jump to the conclusion that I'm feeling lustful, lecherous and having the time of my life, which except for the latter, I am. Consider that I've been avoiding Sarah Silverman, because of the former. It was only two or three years ago that I'd heard of her, and that was online... and I watched a short video with her and some other guy in a skit... it was hilarious, but she, Sarah, was so attractive, I immediately felt my mother's virtual, ghostly breath at the back of my neck.

"I can't go there," I told myself... "it's too much for this old man." Long ago I'd developed depression for the reason to cope with all those healthy feelings, like lust, and openness... I'd developed anxiety and PTSD to ward off all opportunity that may come my way...

But along comes Sarah Silverman... whom I knew I needed to avoid... but ultimately couldn't. I wish now there had been a law against Sarah. If there had been, I may have been able to avoid her, or find her sooner.

The moment I thought would never happen, happened on the way home from work a couple weeks ago... listening to NHPR, like is my usual routine. Suddenly, a piece about Sarah, and her new book...

You can see I couldn't resist the urge... I bought the CD set of her book. Rather shameful, I know. And now I'm addicted... I have listened to the first two CD's... one CD takes up almost the hour and a half coming home from work. Today and yesterday, I drove stoned, high on Sarah Silverman's - "The BedWetter". (Note to law enforcement - Sarah is not illegal, and I know if she makes me high I shouldn't drive, but other than Sarah, no real illegal drugs were involved).

Oh my god, I now know I am truly a sick puppy! Her voice is so very good, god I love her voice. And she uses every "dirty word" ever conceived of in the story... she is so unabashed... and oddly, naked, as she tells the story through my car speakers... but I don't laugh at her jokes... that is why i know I'm a "sick puppy". I am mesmerized... truly taking in her every word, every bit of her voice, and the image of herself that she tells. I simply can't believe in the high I get listening to her. And the feeling that everything, or most everything I've posted on this blog until now, has been withdrawal, and suddenly, I'm feeling high again.

Thank-you Sarah Silverman :) Now, at 55, I'm suppose to lighten up after years of staying in the shadows? I'm to believe that I can tell the story that is my life and I won't get arrested? But, then that's the whole problem... the air of censorship... the ideal of decency... the expectation, that we'll all just shut-up! Let the governments and the enclosed politicians do there job, and we like sheep can graze on what's provided. "Abide by the rules and prosper", is what we're told... but I believe the "Great Recession" has taught us those who are "too big to fail" are the winners, and they are the ones who know how to get around in the "system". To take advantages...

Having gotten stoned on Sarah Silverman, and with three more CD's to listen to, I'm scared. I haven't been this high in years!

Fact is, I feel I haven't been myself on my blog, have been afraid to open up, and then I hear Sarah Silverman telling it like it is! It's non-fiction, she said.

What did I become? Who am I becoming?