RITE OF PASSAGE - PART TWO - "Why Are You Rebelling"

On the heels of a previous post, I've had a chance to reflect and write about why we are here, now?

A fellow blogger, commented to a previous post that one's religion or faith would influence their  response to my post. While I believe that is true, I do think it goes much deeper, would even suggest that like physics, there are laws to the origin, current status and the destiny of humankind. Fortunately us humans like to break laws, or find them unjust or ineffective, or worst, more harmful that any crime the law is meant to correct.

An example, and back to Rite of Passage, books banned over time. Naturally this became a issue after the printing press was created. The history of publishing companies would be interesting, something I already know a lot about.

Around age 20, living on my own and working full-time as a custodian at the local college, the Fine Arts Center, in fact, I was profoundly confused; about sex. My upbringing strongly sheltered and directed my thoughts on the subject. One benefit from working at a community college was after hour access to professors, in a friendly manner, and the fact we worked for the same company - I belonged.

I made two great friends during the 3 years I worked at the job. Both were English professors, bot uniquely opposite each other. In this installment let's look at prof. Doug. A tall, lean guy with gray hair; He'd been teaching many years... He knew his books. When I broke down and asked him about sex, he replied, "I remember Henry Miller wrote an excellent book on the subject - "The 'Land of Fuck' or something like that". Couldn't be the title of the book, no way. But something in the book?

I found my answer in his trilogy, "The Rosy Crucifixion", "Sexus, Plexus, Nexus". (See my media list).

What I also found was that if this had been prior to 1962, my reading these books would have been a criminal act. Much like cannabis (marijuana) has been for the past 70+ years. These books, many that today we consider to be the finest literature, were banned, against the law. They were published mostly in France, some in Britain, and sold in paper bags on street corners in the US. People went to jail for having or producing these books. That really struck a key, given my fondness for cannabis at the time.

I found my answer to sex, and it was so simple, but it did take time. It all came down to women are people too. One could have sex as friends, consensual and intimate. Women it turned out liked sex too. Of course at my age then, men needed it more than women... it's complicated.

When I finally did find my sexual self, I found listening to a woman, really listening, was key. And then, I would simply ask, "would you like to have sex?" The answer wasn't always yes. And the most desired not interested. Or so i had thought. A story for another day.

I found intimacy was simply a a level of behavior that "macho man" didn't grasp at all. I also discovered, Human beings relate in mysterious ways. Once I gained confidence in myself, I found women asking me out. Between 21 and 24 I was loving life... with a few exceptions.

Most notably, family. My father often asked me "why was I rebelling?" To which I never had an answer since I didn't feel that I was rebelling. Yet I knew, what he was asking was, "why are you not conforming to what we expect you to do?" The odd thing was, my father encouraged my newfound self, my mother, can't say that she did. In fact, I made her very unhappy, and she made no bones about it. My phone rang daily for several years, then slowed down a bit. The family dinners i went to on Sundays became more hostile. I made the mistake only once bringing my girlfriend with me to the family Sunday dinner, and my mother embarrassed me... afterall, in the 1970's the woman I was with was considered a "slut". My father was proud. My mother was disgraced. To further offend her, was my job as a custodian at the college. To me a dream come true. To my mother, shame and a sense of utter failure as a parent.

To say that my feelings and sense of wellbeing was torn, is an understatement. My father encouraged me, my mother was the saddest person on the planet.

Another advantage of working at the college was free counseling with a registered therapist. I took advantage of the benefit. It provided incentive to research the human condition. I always was a voracious reader... but now I found reading to be necessary for survival.

To Be Continued...