Men from Mars, Women from Venus, and me??? Part 3

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I've been thinking. Yes, I know... But I think I bit off more than I can chew on this topic. At one time, I could clearly see what it was that I wanted to say. But now... things aren't as clear and memorable as then, they're more murky and faded.

In my last post, I ended with "Family", "blood thicker than water...". I described "dumping" a girlfriend named Diane. Quitting college, selling my car. Moving upstairs into apartments built over an old horse-barn. I was 18, and on my own for the first time. In a future post I'm considering, I'll tell the story.

Now, my goal is to explore men and women... and where do I fit in?

Where do any of us "fit in"?

The story of humankind, and our gift of consciousness, which to many may feel like a curse. How do we live our lives - truly live our lives? Are we free? Are we really free to choose our own life? What would a hedonistic society look like?

Just thoughts I have. We are not completely free, yet we can make personal choices, and we can get involved in peaceable ways. That gives us a chance, and that gives us hope. Obviously, human interactions from the most intimate to the most global, how we communicate, or love, or assist, or destroy, depends upon may things. We have many ways we join together, and many ways we don't. In many religions for example women are subservient to men, and follow or subject to strict codes of conduct .

Women are people - humans just like men. I learned that by 5 year's old. Why can't civilized societies recognize that?

I came of age during a most interesting time - the mid- 1970's. Hippies were gone, except strongly in spirit. Yet what they opened, Pandora's box, or Cleopatra's, it doesn't matter... what they experienced was passed down to us...

Yes, I did quit college. Yes, I sold my car. Yes, I got a job as a custodian at the community college. Yes, I was in my early 20's and after 8 years of feeling like I was in prison, bullied daily to the extreme to where I was really scared to go to school. But the 70's...

I used the word "dumped" purposely to to make a point. I think it's aninappropriate, derogatory word, a word used by both men and women quite loosely. I think Diane was the last woman I "dumped", at 18...  there was nothing there, no real friendship, no chemistry, no affection. We didn't communicate well... and I decided it wouldn't work. I should have never let it go on as long as it did... but I was a late bloomer, and I had things to do.... and ironically, nothing did, go on.

Not until I met Sue. By then, a year later I was realizing what I wanted was the whole woman in a relationship... I liked women... I liked the way they thought, and the pleasant feeling when meeting a woman that was naturally good natured.

I recall in the mid 70's, leading up to the Women's Right Amendment, that the campus I worked at was very open to equality between the sexes. But here is where I get in over my head.

It all came down to Sex. I never wanted just sex, which seemed like what a lot of men wanted. I wanted the whole woman, and I wanted not to feel like I possessed her. Fortunately, my job as custodial landed me in the Fine Arts center... full of artists, writers, professors of English, and photography, to name just a few. I had the keys to the place... every door. I got to know many people... and found two professor's who became my mentors.

Doug S. and Virginia Y. This topic is for another post, on education, my reason for bringing it up, is Doug introduced me to books... and I'd always been a voracious reader, so I readily accepted the books he suggested - authors like Henry Miller.

I simply had a very bad taste in my soul for "eduction" as in "the system of...". But Doug was able to enlighten me about education, and much more...

I inquired, about how a guy is suppose to  relate to women, and there seemed to be too many games. He said "you don't need to play games... just talk to them, be friends, and if the moment seems right..."

Time I accepted the fact I was okay me, and I  liked women... and it wasn't all about sex, all the time.

Yes... I mentioned family.

Let's just say after I moved in with a woman at 20, and got the job as custodian at the college, my mother was having a break-down. I was completely "off the road". I was a disgrace... and I should I Should..., I should what???

I'm going on 21 and I can live my own life. Shouldn't I?

Oh, like it was yesterday...

 The ultimate battle, between mother and son. I don't think either of us won. But she gave me both a gift and a curse...

What I found were many friends, good sex, good times... I prospered. But I learned that roots, don't stretch too easily... A battle where in essence, my mother's road in life is - the only road in life. For me, it's  theroad less traveled. 

The custodian stint was only suppose to last 3 years... it lasted much longer, brought me to some amazing places. The original plan was to experience this "blue-collar"  job. It's something I dreamed of. And I got the job!!! A job that a good friend took over when I left... last I knew he had a wife of + years, 5 kids, and he always had ganga. A good life.

Almost exactly what my own mother wanted...

The battle lasted many years... and for awhile there, 3 - 4 years... I lived a good life. Three years... enough as it turns out that I would have to on...

So much for "thinking outside the box". What saved me, or what was left of me, were three close friends... Earl, Joni and Mary... Mary was with me. For awhile...

I'm not from Mars... I'm not!

CAT'S DREAM

Ever wonder why cat's sleep so much?

It's because they are good dreamers...

They see things us humans don't...

EYES WIDE OPEN...

If Men are from Mars, Women Venus, then... Part Two

lovers -rajunasrefuge

In Part One I described a scenario - where within the battle between the sexes I don't fit in. That the battle itself will never really be resolved. That unlike attitudes regarding ethnicity, country of origin and religion, there will always be unsolved differences between the sexes. There is no question that men and women have physical differences. It's when we get into the psychology of the differences that we get into a complicated, complex mess.

It is simply not valid to say "all men are pigs" and women are "sugar and spice and all things nice".  That is a generaliztion, that has no basis in reality. Yet many, believe it to be true.

***

About Me:

My life started off exceptionally good. When I was born in 1954 my father was in the Navy. They lived in NJ, Tom's River. My dad and my mom loved me for all it was worth. And my dad's future looked quite promising... his father was president of a prestigious business located in NYC, and my father would most likely follow in his footsteps. Only he didn't... my grand-father died of a heart attack at 54, and an aunt, his wife, had no interest in my grand-father's side of the family, ie, my dad, so that quickly put to rest any hopes my father may have had.

We moved back to my mother's town. Where her mostly Swedish family lived. I'm 50% Swedish. It's my father's side where I get some interesting genes... French, Dutch, Bohemian, German...

The town I grew up in was once voted an "All American City". It had many brick paved roads, modest sized homes, quaint yards, many parks and businesses. I was fortunate!

***

I have a sister a year and a half younger than me. From around the age of 5, I remember hanging out with my sister and two of her friend's, Julie and Ann. They were my friends, and we had other friends in the neighborhood too. I remember singing the song "Row, row, row your boat..." playing "Mother May I", and Hop Scotch... idyllic days...

I was probably around 6 or 7 year's old when my mother became concerned. She was afraid if I continued to hang out with my sister and her friends, I would become gay. So she proceeded to manipulate my life to get me more involved with other boys in the neighborhood. Her rational was ludicrous, but the end result ultimately may have been good...  on the other hand, most likely i would have found my own way to other friends - male and female. But what stuck in my mind was the fact I was not suppose to hang out with females.

***

Fast forwards 14 years...

The goal of this post, this series, is to show how stereotypes, male, female are misunderstood. Somehow, as far as i can tell, I grew up with a perspective of the sexes quite different, yet right on as far as equality of the sexes was ideological. I was ahead of my time...

***

I moved out on my own at 18. I couldn't wait to get out, away from family rules and conditions... I move into the upstairs set of an apartments of an old Horse-stables converted into apartments. The college campus is my back-yard. I sell my car, and my life begins...

I am working at the time towards an Associates degree, at the local community college; that was begun while I still lived at home with my parents. I'd had two girlfriends by then... the first, in 8th grade, lasting a full week that seemed like years, her name was Brenda. Then, around 17, I was introduced to Diane. We lasted 3 years or so, but it wasn't great in any respect. I was still a virgin. I lost that with a woman, a total stranger, at a NY State Park while several of us male friends went camping... interesting in that it happened that way... tragic in that it wasn't with a woman I knew, that if I know what I know now, we could have had a much better experience. But the fact is... in our society, sex is taboo...

***

At 20 my family expected I'd get married soon. It was also expected I'd graduate from the community college and get a job teaching, or go on and get a higher degree. I did neither.

I got a job as a custodian at the community college; I dumped Diane; and I met Sue. The job as a custodian at the community college was the best thing that ever happened... in my Favorite Books Section of my blog, I list "R is for Rocket"... it's because of this book, the short story called "Frost and Fire", that I went this route. It was a most unique turn of events...

Unfortunately... I was about to face my roots... where "blood is thicker than water..." Family is suppose to come first... and as the now adult bird takes flight... to experience the world... the family has a surprise.

Next time... "Family dinner, two o'clock... this Sunday"... be there.

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IF MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN FROM VENUS, Then... Part One

L'Amoureux Tarot Card

If "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus"... then I have a question.

WHERE DO I COME FROM???

Earth???

I really don't "fit in". I don't.  Oh, but it's not what you may be thinking... that I have typical issues with women, relationships, etc. I don't. Or I do, but that's to be seen... I do share and recognize most of the typical issues that men and women have, but I am fortunate in that I have a unique experience to share.

***

The basics: Physically, it's generally easy to identify males from females by their physical appearance. I do find it fascinating that historically men and women have gone to unusual lengths to disguise themselves as their opposite sex. This was most notable during the period of the American Civil War and before... cases of women posing as men to become sea-faring pirates, for example. Women joining the ranks of the Confederate or Union soldiers... But psychologically, it's not at all that simple. There are vast variables in what makes a man and a woman...

To add fuel to the debate, unlike racial issues, sexual identity is one of the most complicated identity issues we face... when considering the simple fact that women didn't have the right to vote until August 26, 1920, which was granted in the Nineteenth Amendment, it's no surprise we are still confused about the battle between the sexes. It's a futile battle, in many ways, one that I doubt will ever be resolved... unlike skin color, religion, national origin, our sex that we are born with is a "fixture". Some can restart their lives with a sex-change to a more natural preference, but many can't.

And many of us feel we are exactly who we are... and that it is a fact, that essentially. men and women are from different planets. That the stereotypes, that we often take for granted, are correct. "Men are all "pigs" and women are "sugar and spice and all things nice".

***

I hate to shatter your reality, but the truth is far different. In the upcoming posts, I will show you why. And why will I do this? Well it's a long story... the story of my life in fact.

The catalyst is women I know, often remark about how odd it is I've never been married, have no children... that I'd make a great husband and father.  And I think I would, have, maybe will, still...

But the fact is, there's a price to pay when "thinking outside the box"... that price is to be "different". Some call it living at the "fringe". The theory... life is all in black and white - round peg/square peg. Lock-step. But it doesn't work... scandals such as those involving Tiger Woods; Presidential Candidate, John Edwards; President Bill Clinton; all suggest that human nature and our relationships are far more complex and complicated than what is generally summed up as a "norm".

I'm unusual... I'll grant you that... but not in the usual way...

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