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May 08, 2010


In Part 1 I was contemplating "Domestic Violence". I provided what to me were a few examples, and introduced a fictional, John Miller story, that may or may not be based on a true story.

There's a lot of domestic style violence or abuse that goes on. It's something generally considered a personalissue. Words, phrases, verbatim directed towards another with the intend to degrade, lower self-esteem, attack character or personal integrity, are all just as painful as a fist in one's face. Some events such as these become public, and result in legal intervention... much goes unnoticed, except by those involved. Case in point, John Miller - The Bull in the Garden".

He comes to me wincing from pain on his left side... feels like broken ribs, but probably just bruised. He's got a cut on his head, bleeding but scabbed over. So I ask him, "John, what happened?"

"It was tax-time"... two days before the federal tax deadline. The Bull had waited until the last minute to do his taxes. He'd been pretty much unemployed that whole previous year, being a carpenter, few people were looking for his skills. He'd had a few jobs, so had to file."

"He decided to do it online. I think the one the IRS provides for free."

"What you need to understand is dial-up internet is what we have, and a server distributes the connection, something called ICS (Internet Connection Sharing). Dial-up is slow enough, but when three computers share the same connection, it's frustrating. What has to happen is the other two computers need to be idle if someone is working on something like taxes."

"Exactly what I was doing in my room - I wasn't using the internet, i was watching a movie on my computer. From Bulls direction I heard cussing and complaints. Eventually I paused the movie and went over to talk to him."

"His response - 'are you *ucking with the internet? I keep getting disconnected, lose stuff'... he was angry, frustrated. I assured him i wasn't on the internet, I was watching a movie, it was the dial-up, not me". He wasn't buying it. I went back to my room to resume watching the movie."

"Didn't last long... Bulls irritation was growing by the minute... I paused the movie and again went out to see if I could help."

"Another thing you would need to know. Bull has a short fuse. He grew up with a father that would slam him against the wall, punch and hit him. Overall bull is a great guy... but he's got this 'dark-side' one has to be wary of. For me, that night, after 4 beers, not wary enough"

"Bull launched himself at me... tackled me, and being almost twice my weight, had me pinned to the floor, his knee across my throat, the other knee over my ribcage. I wedged my right arm under the knee across my throat, as he spewed and threatened, and held his fist in a way to hold back, but consider a punch... his mind was reliving his past... he was his father."

"Long story short, the Farmer's wife pulled him off of me, but then I was so frustrated I grabbed my throat and mimed my being choked, which freaked out the Farmer's wife, and prompted a new scuffle between bull and I. The Farmer's wife called her brother, who said to call 911, which is what she did. In the meantime Bull has dragged me down the stairs trying to toss me out. As I wiry guy no way could he get me out that door - short of injuring me to the point that resistance is futile. I think I kicked him in the groin, which is what he remembers."

The police arrived, I was in my room. I got the knock on the door and had to talk to the police chief. And another officer. Somehow, the call was that I was trying to strangle myself... so I was asked if I am suicidal? I laugh, but quickly explain, No, I was pissed and I pretended to strangle myself out of frustration. It was a mime. The Farmer's wife and the Bull are downstairs. Or Bull is sequestered outside - don't know as I was upstairs. Six cops altogether, 3 cruisers. Bull tells the story I attacked him. I tell how Bull attacked me. The Farmer's wife recalls I tried to strangle myself. The chief ultimately tells me no one's charged with anything, but that it is routine to take someone away from the scene to lock-down for the night in domestic calls such as this... and since I'd had four beers, that would be me... BUT! Under the circumstances, given the story that unfolded"... if you promise to go into your room, shut the door and stay there I make clear to the other two you are not to be bothered the rest of the night."

"Ah... thank-you chief... and off I was to my room. To contemplate".

End of Story

John Miller's story is fiction, of course... as is much in a person's everyday life. By that I mean many of us create our own reality - a fact of life! Some may have a tough time with that truth... and all I can say is, no matter how much we want it otherwise, Reality is Subjective. Given that truth, there are still tremendous influences put on individuals... by parents, laws, rules, etc.

In contemplating the story John was fortunate the chief was considerate. Technically, in a domestic situation, someone is taken away. To those on the outside of the domestic situation, ie, law enforcement, they get the facts from witnesses, evidence. John has a cut on his head, redness to his throat... Bull is happy and shooting the shit with the cops outside, from the way his story goes.

In John's case, rarely does he scuffle with Bull... they argue sometimes, and have stand-offs, the , macho version of "king rooster', but they often work together. Besides, John has his own problems that occupy his time.

The story as it was told to the police highlights how the story can be so different, especially based on the individual backgrounds. Bull with his abusive father and intense military background. The Farmer's wife, as a child watching her father beat up her mother, and shoot not only her pet dog, but the puppies it's given birth to - which was why her father shot the dogs - they couldn't feed their own family of 5.

The point I want to make is how difficult it can be to interpret domestic abuse and violence. How do substances play into the situations. How do past experiences? What lesson is there in interpreting other cases... witness testimony is proven to be unreliable. And John's story describes why that can be. In a situation truly serious, it would have been to John's benefit to go to lock-down. The problem with that if there are charges... which then involves court, so it's no wonder 911 isn't called more often.

John and Bull are like grown-up brothers, as he describes it. As John puts it, "I never had the kind of brother where we had scuffles like that. Aside from the pain, they connected as he feels they were both frustrated to the point the scuffle was a positive event." As long as it's a rare occurrence I tend to agree.

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