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A lair is a home; A castle; A burrow; A haven; a place where one should feel safe. To ensure our safety especially in one's lair, we have laws. And some laws cause more harm than good!

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December 13, 2012


40 years or so ago I was sitting on my couch, in my first apartment - living on my own. I was around 18. I was optimistic, but scared. Scared because I hadn't really wanted to move away from home, but living with my parents wasn't working out so I did the bold thing and moved out. I'd been raised knowing the day would come anyway.

A couple of days after I moved out I was enjoying my space when the phone rang. This was around 1972 so there were no answering machines yet, or at least ones I knew about. When the phone rang, you answered it.


'Tis the Season now... and for many people the "who" is important. This is not a good time of the year for a lot of people. We hear a lot of hoop-la about how great this time of year is, but for many that simply not true. This post is maybe for you.

You might be any age over 18. But I'm thinking whatever age you are, you're still living the life you almost had between 18 and 29. Or you're in that age group and you need a little guidance.

The age 18 to say 28 is little understood. It is a critical part of our maturity. For some it begins before age 18, for others later and may last into the early 30's. But eventually our brains solidify and we become us. Complex mess when you add children and/or a lousy childhood. By your early 30's you want to be mobile, successful, enjoying life.

You don't want to be fighting with family, or in a compromised position.

When I answered the phone that day it was my mother... a day of destiny formed for which I felt I had no control over. And I didn't, back then, but in hindsight I had many easy options.

Following are three articles - difficult to find I might add, I've been searching for years and only now do i seem to have found a few. I hope that they might be of help with the choices you must make. With understanding how you feel and what choices you begin to have.

1) "Family Blues - Leaving it behind..."

2) "Shame and Guilt..." as it refers to family.

3) "Induced Relaxation Anxiety". Imagine if relaxing brought about your anxiety? It's a fact, it can.

Where I made my mistake 40 years ago was not getting mature fast enough, beyond my control, but I could have been more forthright in establishing my out perimeters. I allowed to much in...

I had 4 years of great success as a human being... perhaps 4 years that many never have, so I'm grateful. But it strikes me that my success was hinged on communication. Part of the problem with being shy is fear of communication. The trick is, is to understand communication breaks the veil of shyness rather quickly, after the awkward moments.

How did I learn this? I learned through a friendship with a college professor. I had expressed my profound frustration with being shy, and being interested in women, meeting someone special. I thought it was a game. A game only the players knew. But it wasn't. The reality was plain and simply talk. Being able to listen to the other person.

That was however contrary to the views my family had, expressly my mother. So take a cue - ignore that abusive person and walk away. Hang-up the phone. Live your life. Set your boundaries and don't allow anyone to impede, unless it's someone you trust.

Life on Earth is where heaven is... whether you find it, well, that's the question... many simply can't, or make heaven out of a firefly for ten minutes of their life.

Be aware as my mentor warned... with success comes enemies, people who resent who you are. Recognize them and keep your distance. Easy to say unless it's family. Even then, i know now I could have controlled my own life, my own world, and prevented many of the unforunate situations that I would later blame as defining my demise.

While there's life there's hope. Even I'm not too old to make a new beginning. To learn from my mystakes and those of others.

Happy Christmas... stay safe...

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