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A lair is a home; A castle; A burrow; A haven; a place where one should feel safe. To ensure our safety especially in one's lair, we have laws. And some laws cause more harm than good!

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November 27, 2010


Here I sit, a natural born American, "enjoying" my Thanksgiving vacation.

I had Thursday and Friday off. Now I'm into Saturday...

As part of the "Why Are We Here" series I will provide an update on how I feel at this moment. I'm sure many of us wonder at this moment why we're here, now... ?

Is it to be happy? Successful? In love?

Kind of depends, doesn't it? Fact is, why we're here may not have anything to do with being any of the above. Fact is, where we live determines "why we are here".

I'm not going to into the "where" of where we live, I'm just saying, where we live has a lot to do with the "WHY"?

I live in the USA. I was born here. My parents were immigrants back in the early 1900's. My mother's side is pure Swedish. My father's side - now that's where it get's interesting: German, French, Dutch, Bohemian, and more. Good mix. Genetically speaking.

50% Swedish, and my other side a 50% mix.

The Swedish side of my family had expectations. It's with that side of the family I grew up. Near as I can conclude, children never grow up to become independent in that environment. It seems, children are expected to continue the status quo... extensions of the family. After reaching the age of maturity, be it 18 or 21, the "child" is expected to do as the family expects. Whatever the "child" does is a reflection on the family. There is the sense that one does not have "free-will", except as approved by the family.

This is not particularly uncommon. Look at many Muslim countries and you see a great discrepancy between the freedom of a male family member, and that of a female. Again, I'm not going to expound on the differences, other than to suggest, in many countries, females are very much subservient to the family rules, and the expectations - to the point that in many countries, if the female doesn't abide by the rules, incarceration or death may be the consequence. In some cases, moving to another country where laws are less stringent makes no difference. The "child" is subject to family rules.

On my father's side I can attest the "rules" were much less stringent. I recall a great deal of support to be myself from my relatives on my father's side. Unfortunately, growing up, I had that support every other year, maybe at Christmas time. Vacations. Holidays.

Why are we here?

In my case it was to get away from the family control. It took many of my most productive years to do so. Between the ages of 20 and 50+ the family influence was a constant. Ultimately, I had to declare a form of personal exile. Not an easy thing to do or accomplish. One doesn't exile oneself by desire, but rather, it's by necessity. It's painful.

One's family doesn't comprehend the action; can't see justification. Doesn't even recognize it as an action.

The world is changing... there is much ado about the break-down of the American family. There is much in the way of criticism, that our country has lost it's moral foundation.

Fact is, we value "education", yet disregard the results. The "typical family" expects results that are in line with family expectations. The fact is, education and knowledge are far, far beyond any expectations.

One reason we're here is to "push the envelope". The first college I attended had a motto - "Let Each Become All One is Capable of Becoming..." That was the goal I accepted ... much to the dismay of my family.

I became educated. I became self-aware. I became cursed!

Why are we here? Maybe all I can share is why I'm here. Maybe I can provide more.

I can firmly suggest, we're not here to be pigeon-holed. We're not here to be subservient to others, whether family nor government. We're not here to hurt others, but we are here to encourage change, and equality. We are here to promote freedom in pursuit of happiness. If we can make our families proud, great. If we incur the wrath of our family, so be it. 

We have a right to exist... to be ourselves and to live our life as we chose, as long as we don't hurt others. In the case where our actions portend to hurt the family, it's a judgement call... a decision to make. In my opinion you have no obligation to conform to family rules once you've come of age to make your own decisions. If what you choose defies family, too bad. As long as your life choice is not to hurt others, it's your option in life to live as you choose.

In my family taboo was being involved sexually with a woman of color, including Asian women. It was to not make marriage and children a priority. It was not to get a job, in just any field - there were "approved" jobs, and those that were unapproved. At age 20 I got one of the latter...

I was cursed as a result of that, and the fact I liked women. I didn't pursue college in the fashion expected of me, and I didn't dress, nor grow my hair as expected. The "perfect storm" ensued.

I am here today, suffering from my personal choices. The only remedy would be to go back and live my origin over again, something I cannot do.

Life is difficult... that is a given. I made my own decisions, and lived my life as i felt was personally acceptable. That I suffer today as a consequence - so be it. I have no regrets, other than there's no going back.

We are here... to be ourselves. Whatever the cost.

We won't live forever, so it's my opinion, with what time we have, live our life being true to ourself.  Family is important, but family does need to accept us as an individual when we come of age to use our education and experiences to become ourselves.

Why we are here is our own business!

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