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A lair is a home; A castle; A burrow; A haven; a place where one should feel safe. To ensure our safety especially in one's lair, we have laws. And some laws cause more harm than good!

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October 23, 2014


I'm a Random/Abstract, thinker/doer. Some people are Concrete/Sequential. It's called one's "Learning Style". And it's important.

The science is like this: there are 4 ways the mind can work.  In no particular order, 1) Concrete 2) Random 3) Sequential 4) Abstract.

We all have these traits in our learning style and it's what makes us who we are. It who we become. There are tests that can be done very easily to determine your learning style. That's not what this is about, I simply know what I am about as far a learning...

It's amazing how long 3 or 4 years can be, yet how short in other circumstances. At 20 I was literally crippled, mentally, so shy and confused that I was. My father urged me on, telling me once, "never say no to a woman that wants to have sex with you". He was a sales manager, often traveled. My best friend until he died at 69.

Well, just such a situation occurred, wouldn't you know? I was about 22 by then, working as a custodial at the college, living near campus, breakfast in the college cafeteria, free tuition, the whole nine yards. My co-worker, a scary dude, half Apache, half Italian was a good guy at heart, but he could come up with some vicious jokes, one time teetering on the edge of criminal. Jet-Black hair, Big, always laughing about something, like the time the professor came out in the hall talking, smoking a cigar... this is when smoking in a public place was totally legal... I had turned around to do something, and when I turned back I saw the prof. pick his cigar from the ashtray, puff on it while Tony was his name, told me how he grabbed it and wiped it on his penis. ( "dick" were his exact words).

But where was I as that was simply my routine work life? Oh, yes... never say no.

I knew a lot of women. Had a lot of friends by 22. I don't know how though I do as I already told you how. Like there being marijuana available, having a sexual relationship was similar. By 23 -24 I often wondered if it would ever happen again?

Around 22 - 23 I had a woman friend named Donna who I'd known awhile, like a year or more. We hung out together, mostly at the college in the lounge, cafe, library, or one of many study centers with vending machines and tables you could smoke at. I often sat at those tables and wrote in a note-book. I also took classes and worked hard to master the courses, homework, writing papers... I met a lot of people that way too.

My mother was the problem, with myself as the principle problem as I listened to her. I shouldn't have.

I've written in previous posts about my "mother's plan for me". I wasn't made privy of this plan and despite hearing nothing when I moved out around age 19, everything seemed to revolve around "my mother's plan".

As was the day that Donna asked me if I would have sex with her, and I said no.

Haunts me to this day; that being 38 years ago.

Around age 23 I held a party - a Saturday night. At the time I lived in an old Victorian undertakes two story house. I had the upstairs, a couple had the downstairs. I had a lot of room, rooms and the place was one of my favorites.

A lot of the time when you invite people to a party they don't show up. In this case it wasn't the case. I bought a half keg of beer and was out an hour after the party started. Some friends offered to get two more kegs, and I gave them the money. People were everywhere, a line down the stairs and out in the parking lot.

Advantage... this was the town's college... people stayed peaceable and nothing bad happened. The only gripe I heard were that friends didn't have time to talk with me. The cartoons I rented were a big hit... the movie type on film played through a projector.

The way a man feels about sex at that age compared to now is not close. Back then it was irrepressible. And for me it wasn't simply fucking. I loved the women I slept wit. We were friends... though in many cases it led to a relationship. It may have led further many times... but I had a bee buzzing in my ear.

I still can't believe I said "NO".

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