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A lair is a home; A castle; A burrow; A haven; a place where one should feel safe. To ensure our safety especially in one's lair, we have laws. And some laws cause more harm than good!

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October 14, 2014


I could never quite get past my first true love - Sue. My heart was literally broken. I hurt all over. Fortunately, although I disagreed with her decision, the separation was amiable. Still, or awhile I drove around in circles and by her apartment building. Sometimes I would stop and park - stalking in today's standards. And although I had a right to drive and park anywhere on a public road, not only are there better places to be where I didn't have a reminder of the end, but potential confrontations can be avoided.

Around that time I found two mentors at the college where I worked; both English professors in two separate buildings. There names were Virginia and Doug.

Doug worked on the third floor of the building I worked in and had an office on the floor I was responsible for. One day I was talking with an older student about something I had written, a short story. After describing the story to her she said she thought Doug would be very interested. One night Doug was in his office late, I knocked and introduced myself, told him about my story and mentioned the referral. He invited me in, "sit down, please", he said. It began a tutelage that lasted 3 years and it's from Doug I learned what I know about relationships, and what led me to Henry Miller, and several other excellent books.

Doug is the one who helped me get over Sue but offering me sound advice and knowledge.

Virginia on the other hand was also an English professor, in the Science building, corner basement room with lots of windows. A beautiful woman in her 30's, very smart and intelligent. I found her based on my interest in religion, all religions, God and gods and goddesses, magic, sorcery, the meaning of life, the devil, reincarnation, mythology, evil, good, and a basis for morality in society.

However it was Doug who answered that urgent question. The "Thou Shalt Not..." It was Doug who said, "Thou shalt not hurt." He challenged me to find a reason why having that one moral wasn't sufficient. I could not.

Having solved my moral dilemma I moved on.

I was still writing like crazy. A typical day would begin getting dressed and heading for the college cafeteria. I brought books, and my 9"x6" notebook and pens. I chose a table, sat, wrote and over a period of a few hours chat with students. I was also a student, so I had classes to attend. Sometimes I would go visit the library or other times I would walk and fantasise about the Lord of the Rings or other esoteric ideas I came up with. I also began to study, learn and locate medicinal plants out in the forest and fields. I remember always being alone and always smoking a joint. Sometimes I would sit along a brook and write.

For a year or so while all this was happening, I was single. One night a woman named Mary was coming towards me in the hall and stopped to talk with me. I saw her again and asked her out. She said "yes".

Thus began what's essentially turned out to be a life-long friendship. Back then she was girlfriend #3. I was too arrogant with her though. Now I know that but I didn't back then. We had what could only be called a very cool relationship. I saw other women, and she saw other men. But we always made time for each other, and that meant plenty of times overnight, and fucking like rabbits anywhere and everywhere. I fucked her often when she dropped by a classroom I was cleaning. That lasted for several years then she met a guy and got married, and I moved to a distant county and enrolled at a university to get my BA degree.

I've left out one very important part of my experience. As the school custodian I pretty much knew a lot about the people, professors and staff that worked there. The one, most popular activity was wife-swapping as it's called, but husbands swap too. And from there it spread out... finding sex was like finding pot, either completely dry or swamped - rained on if you prefer. Certain women loved sex and ordinarily they found me. Whether I complied was pretty much my choice, though because they liked me I agreed. What a nice guy. Me.

You're maybe forgetting one big fact... my upbringing and the fact I still had my mother calling every 3 days to put me in my place. I experienced a girlfriend one night receive a phone call at 1AM, from her mother, and from where I laid in bed half-hard I could hear her mother call her a slut! The call went on 15 minutes until Maria, that was her name, hung-up. After we curled up tightly together and went to sleep. She was crying and I understood why.

The World of Sex is far beyond what science or the human mind can imagine. The World of Sex involves morals, mores and etiquette.  The World of Sex varies constantly and although parts of it can be identified and documented, it does little good. That's not to say however that general principles don't apply and that men and women don't have a common language they can rely on. They do. It's called talk. Plain and simply talking to one another.

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